Parental Alienation

Dear O and C, When I first began writing you these letters, I never envisioned that I would still be writing them over a year later.  I thought by now we would have reunited and healed, and that I would be seeing you and speaking to you more frequently.  These letters were only supposed to fill the void of me actually getting to talk and spend time with you.  Well, I continue to write to you because aside from the 30 minutes per week I get to spend with each of you, I have no other recourse when it comes to communicating to you.  Writing these letters to you has also been very therapeutic for me.  It has become a way for me to feel closer to you.  Whether you ever have a chance to read them or not, it has been my only means of expressing my truth to you.  I thought by now, that these letters would have had a conclusion; a happy ending if you will.  However, I now understand that there will never be a conclusion when it comes to us and our relati...

Dear O and C, I just got back from a trip to Southern California.  We were in search of some warmer weather, and we found it.  The beaches were sublime.  Going out of town always gives me a chance to unwind, and reflect; something I desperately needed.  I was able to reflect on our situation, and I have some thoughts to share with you.   First off, I want to share with you how appalled and disgusted I am with the entire family court system, and the so-called process of reunification.  It’s a joke.  The two of you, and myself, have been victimized by it.  I made some mistakes.  I’ve owned up to them, and done everything humanly possible to atone for them.  Guess what? In the eyes of the court, that makes no difference.  The court made its mind up about me almost three years ago.  During a virtual, online hearing, it took judge R.H., just under five minutes to decide I should lose custody of my children.  There was ...

Dear O and C, Today is the third Father’s Day in a row where I haven’t seen or talked to you.  Honestly, as painful as that is, it’s beginning to feel commonplace.  It feels like all I know at this point.  The human mind is incredible; it can adapt and become accepting of just about anything.  The reason for this is survival.  The last two Father’s Days, that’s all I was trying to do; survive.  This Father’s Day is different.  While I miss the two of you beyond belief, I have a new reason to celebrate.  I have my son, CS.  He’s 15 weeks old now.  Again, he is not a replacement for you two.  However, he has brought a whole new light, and sense of purpose to my life.  He is an angel, and I love him very much.  The two of you would love him as well, should you ever get the opportunity.  CS reminds me how much I love being a father.  I love being a father to the two of you, and now I love being a father to CS....

Dear O and C, C, today’s therapy session with you was by far the hardest session we’ve had so far.  You reiterated that you “hate me.”  You said, “you never want to see me again.”  You also called me, “the devil,” and said that by forcing you to come to these therapy sessions I was, “ruining your life.”  You also said that I abused you every day, and that we never had a good day together.  I am having to come to the very harsh reality that my truth and my memories don’t matter whatsoever when it comes to our relationship.  The only thing that matters is your truth, and your memories. Your truth right now, is that you hate me, and you don’t ever want to see me again, and that is incredibly difficult to cope with. I’m not sure what to do with that information.  On one hand, I want to be respectful of your wishes and end therapy.  However, I don’t think that would solve your problems.  I think right now it’s easy to use me as a scapegoat, an...

Dear O and C, Congratulations on another school year in the books! And, Congrats O on graduating the 5 th grade!  I can’t believe you’ll be in middle school next year!  I’m so very proud of you for all of your accomplishments during your time in elementary school.  Despite having to deal with a tremendous amount of adversity, distraction, heartache and pain, you still managed to: maintain good grades, have a social circle, play lots of sports, learn to play the violin, and so much more! I just wish I was able to be there to see your promotion ceremony.  Yet another milestone missed.  Oh well.  I promise if I’m ever allowed to make it up to you, I will.  Our last visit was eventful.  I was able to give both of you presents from me and your grandma. C, these presents were from your birthday. O, for graduation.  You both seemed somewhat pleased with your gifts.  There was no “thank you” given, but I swear I did see a little smile on ea...

Dear O and C, I had a troubling experience today.  I was contacted by my Human Resources Department at 11am and told I had to go in immediately after school to meet with them.  School doesn’t end until 3pm, so you can imagine how I was feeling most of the day.  I had a pit in my stomach that made it feel like there was a bowling ball in there.  I was nervous, trembling, and terrified.  My mind was racing, and I was wondering what in the world this could be in regards to?  I hadn’t been mean or rude to any students.  As a matter of fact, I’ve been doing the best job as a teacher in my 16 years in the profession.  I have been able to keep my cool in situations where the old version of myself might have lost it.  The only thing I could think of was your mother.  In the bottom of my heart, I knew she had something to do with it.  But I had to wait hours before I would get confirmation.  Even though I did nothing wrong, I had a na...

Dear O and C,           I wish there was nothing to report in terms of your mother’s interference with our reunification, but unfortunately, that is not the case.  She canceled our visit yesterday.  This is two visits in a row.  I’ve been waiting patiently to celebrate your birthday with you, C.  It will have to wait yet another week.  Your mother canceled the visit, supposedly, because O got stung by a bee, and had an allergic reaction.  If this was the first or second cancellation she initiated, I would probably take her at her word.  However, this is the sixth cancellation she has initiated.  Combined with the outrageous claims she made to the therapist just days earlier, it’s all too suspicious.  A few days ago, your mother contacted the reunification therapist, and claimed I was interfering in the process.  She claimed I told one of your classmates to tell you, “That I was a good guy, and that I had cha...

Dear O and C, Happy day after Birthday C!  I was going to write to you yesterday, but I honestly couldn’t.  I was feeling too emotional and sad.  I miss you guys so much!  I was thinking about you all day though, and praying for you.  I was also wishing and hoping that you were having the best birthday ever!  I know you got to go to an overnight event through school, so I hope that went well.  I also keep checking the website to see if you won your championship game, but it hasn’t been updated yet.  Either way, I hope you enjoyed playing in the Championship game, if in fact you did.   On Tuesday I got some rough news.  I coached with a lady whose daughter is in your class, O.  She informed me that you told her daughter, and other kids in your class, that, “your dad is dead.” That hurt to hear that.  I was also informed that your mother has been talking very poorly about me to many people at your school.  Neither o...

Dear O and C, It’s been quite a week.  Last week we had our court date.  Once again, the judge ruled in my favor and is allowing us to continue reunification therapy.  While this is a huge victory for us, and the potential healing of our relationship, it’s with mixed emotions that I celebrate it.  This is because you were both very clear in your meeting with the court mediator that you wanted therapy with me to cease.  Furthermore, during the court hearing, your mother proclaimed that both of you are suicidal as a result of having to do therapy with me.  This brings up many different emotions as you can very well imagine.        First and foremost, I am concerned with your well-being.  If in fact you are suicidal, I would hope your mother is getting you the help that you need.  This is quite an accusation by your mother if it’s not true.  If it is true, she needs to get you the help you deserve. I find it hard to be...

Dear O and C, Let me start by saying, I love you both very much.  It’s Tuesday, 2:45pm.  We are meeting in a half an hour.  I am absolutely petrified while waiting for our reunification therapy session to begin.  Last week, I received the mediation report from your interviews with the mediator.  I was horrified by what I read.  O, you start by saying, I don’t have a father anymore.  You state that the guy you see in therapy denies everything that happened.  You state that you were abused by me, more so than your brother was. You also explain that you have anxiety leading up to our visits, and that you have trouble sleeping in anticipation of our visits.  You finish by saying, you no longer want to engage in therapy with me.  This is very heavy information, and took me a long time to process.  While I completely respect your opinions and points of view, I have a hard time believing that this is you speaking.  It sounds more li...