05/15/23



Dear O and C,

It’s been quite a week.  Last week we had our court date.  Once again, the judge ruled in my favor and is allowing us to continue reunification therapy.  While this is a huge victory for us, and the potential healing of our relationship, it’s with mixed emotions that I celebrate it.  This is because you were both very clear in your meeting with the court mediator that you wanted therapy with me to cease.  Furthermore, during the court hearing, your mother proclaimed that both of you are suicidal as a result of having to do therapy with me.  This brings up many different emotions as you can very well imagine.  

    First and foremost, I am concerned with your well-being.  If in fact you are suicidal, I would hope your mother is getting you the help that you need.  This is quite an accusation by your mother if it’s not true.  If it is true, she needs to get you the help you deserve. I find it hard to believe that you are suicidal because your individual therapist has made absolutely no mention of it.  This either means that it’s not true, or that you don’t feel comfortable enough to open up to your individual therapist and tell her the truth.  If the latter is true, we can also discount much of what your individual therapist has presented to the court.  This whole situation is so devastatingly complex, and I’m sorry your mother put you smack dab in the middle of it all.  No child should ever have to deal with what you two are dealing with.  No child should ever be taught that one parent is evil or bad.  It does the child no good.  I am not evil, and I am a great father.  The two of you deserve to have a relationship with me, and I deserve to have a relationship with you as well.  Obviously, the judge agrees based on her ruling.  My advice to you is to embrace the situation, and the reunification therapy with me.  I’m not going anywhere.  I’m not giving up on you two, ever.  You can hate me all that you want; I can’t change the way you feel.  I can, however, continue to show up to therapy and show you love.  I can continue to remain sober.  I can continue to deal with my feelings and emotions in a calm, peaceful, and productive way.  I will continue to show up for you guys, no matter what, until the judge tells me otherwise.  Again, my intention is for us to heal our relationship.  I’m trying to make progress with you two.  Your mother continues to: erase any positive memory you’ve ever shared with me, paint me in a negative light, speak poorly about me to you and the court, interfere with our reunification, and litigate every single little issue that doesn’t go exactly her way. She continues to attempt to destroy our relationship.  She is trying to ensure that you will never have a relationship with your father.  That is devastating.  I am so sorry that this is what your mother is doing to you, and that she has you convinced that this is what a mother’s love should look like.

    You have to know, none of this is your fault.  This is your mother’s inability to deal with her own shortcomings.  This is her inability to take responsibility for her own life.  This is her not being able to move on from the past.  This is her destroying everything in her life, because something didn’t go her way.  It’s childish at best.  At worst, it’s demonic.  Again, I’m sorry the two of you are caught in the middle of your mother’s tangled web of lies and destruction.  You deserve better.  I will always be here to offer you better.  I will always be here to offer you the stability and love you deserve.  You guys could have a great life, and having me and my family involved would only make it better.  We were, and always will be your support system.  Your mother cannot offer you that.  She has always been unstable.  Throughout her life she has had trouble keeping a job, keeping friends, finishing any project, and following through on promises.  She has never consistently put effort into anything.  When the going gets tough, your mother destroys everything in her path and moves on.  That is not a sustainable model.  Someday, you will see.  I have put in the hard work to make sure I can provide for you, and my new family, forever.  Like it or not, this is the truth.  Someday, you will need me, and when that day comes, I’ll be right here waiting for you with open arms.  I have no idea how our visit will go tomorrow.  All I know is that I am grateful we get to continue seeing each other, and that I am very much looking forward to it.  


Love,

Dad

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