05/2/23



Dear O and C,

Let me start by saying, I love you both very much.  It’s Tuesday, 2:45pm.  We are meeting in a half an hour.  I am absolutely petrified while waiting for our reunification therapy session to begin.  Last week, I received the mediation report from your interviews with the mediator.  I was horrified by what I read.  O, you start by saying, I don’t have a father anymore.  You state that the guy you see in therapy denies everything that happened.  You state that you were abused by me, more so than your brother was. You also explain that you have anxiety leading up to our visits, and that you have trouble sleeping in anticipation of our visits.  You finish by saying, you no longer want to engage in therapy with me.  This is very heavy information, and took me a long time to process.  While I completely respect your opinions and points of view, I have a hard time believing that this is you speaking.  It sounds more like information that has been spoon fed to you by your mother.  I said it before, and I’ll say it again; I’m not giving up on you, or my relationship with you, ever.  I can’t.  You are far too important to me.  We are taking therapy slowly, in consideration of all the feelings you mentioned during your interview.  I’m no longer asking for custody.  Heck, I’m not even asking for supervised visits at this point.  My only goal is to continue therapy, and heal our relationship.  If we stop therapy now, it’s almost a guarantee that we would never have a relationship ever again.  That is not what I want.  Also, your mother spent the last three and a half years destroying our relationship.  We’ve only been attempting to repair it for seven months.  It’s going to take time.  A lot of damage has been done.  Therefore, a lot of healing is going to need to take place.  Healing that can only be accomplished through reunification therapy.  

Your mother proposed a global settlement offer request to stop therapy.  Obviously, this is something I could not agree to.  Additionally, it’s really not a global settlement if I have to stop seeing you. I will stop at nothing in my pursuit of a relationship with you both.  You deserve to have your father in your lives.  I believe I’ve done the work necessary in order to deserve a relationship with you as well.  All I’m asking for is a chance.  Ultimately, it’s not up to me.  It’s not up to you either.  It’s up to the court.  That is the route your mother pursued, not me.  So, that is the route we have to take.  It’s a long, tedious, and expensive route, but I am fully committed.  It is my hope that the court will rule in my favor, and allow us to continue reunification therapy.  If the court rules against me, then we are done, possibly forever.  That would be incredibly heartbreaking.  Your mother is such a hypocrite.  She continues to state she is in support of our relationship, and then does everything in her power to destroy it.  She is a true narcissist.  

C, you say that “Dad” is bad.  You say that dad was abusive towards your mother, your brother, and my mother. You state that therapy is boring, and dad offers fake apologies. You mention that I was physically and mentally abusive towards you. You state that you want therapy with “Dad” to end.  However, if it must continue, you want to have therapy with your brother present.  

All I can say is that I truly am sorry to both of you for any harm and pain that I have caused you.  There is absolutely nothing fake about my apologies.  I am as sincere as I could possibly be.  It pains me every day that I cause the two of you harm.  It also pains me that I caused your mother harm.  I am not proud of any of it.  As a matter of fact, I am resentful towards myself, and I feel a deep amount of pain, sorrow, and regret regarding these matters.  I would apologize to you every visit if I could; however, most of the time, you don’t want to talk about it. Most visits I do apologize for my wrong doings.  The truth is, you don’t want to hear what I have to say.  You clearly are not ready, and you still don’t trust me.  The only way to be ready, and to trust me, is to continue with therapy.  It’s going to take work on both of our parts.  


(I wrote the first part of this letter before therapy.  The next part of my letter is written after our most recent therapy session.)


We had a nice visit today.  C, I saw you first.  You ate the chocolate chip cookie I brought you.  I offered to play baseball with you, and you accepted.  We went outside.  I pitched to you, and you hit.  You absolutely crushed the ball.  I continued to tell you how proud of you I was.  I couldn’t believe how well you were hitting the ball.  I was so impressed.  We made small talk the entire time.  It was fun.  You were in a good mood.  It was a nice visit. 

O, you went second.  You ate the chocolate chip cookie I brought you.  You too wanted to play baseball, so outside we went.  I pitched to you first.  You absolutely crushed the ball.  I continued to tell you how impressed with you I was.  You swung the bat with anger and aggression, but not out of control.  It was like you were channeling your emotions into your swing, and using it to your advantage.  Funny thing, your dad used to do the exact same thing when he was younger.  It was honestly part of the reason I was such a successful athlete.  I hope you are able to have the same experience.  I’m proud of you for showing your emotions in a positive way.  That’s not an easy thing to accomplish.  O, you also wanted to pitch to me.  You threw as hard as you possibly could.  You even struck me out once.  You also hit me a few times, which I think probably felt pretty good for you.  You continued to show your anger and frustration, emotionally, through your pitching.  This didn’t go as well for you.  Your accuracy was negatively affected by your emotional state.  I would never offer you advice, but if I could, I would tell you to reign it in a bit while you are pitching.  Throwing strikes is more important than throwing hard.  When you can do both, that’s when you know you can pitch; but accuracy comes first.  Just remember what my grandfather taught me; “fast and accurate.” 

We have one more visit before our next court date.  I hope our therapy is able to continue, but in case it’s not, I want to tell you again that I love you.  I am grateful for the past seven months and the time I’ve been able to spend with you.  I also cherish all of the positive memories I have with both of you.  I acknowledge the negative ones too, and I am sorry for them.  I love you always and forever.


Love,

Dad

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