06/26/23

Dear O and C,

I just got back from a trip to Southern California.  We were in search of some warmer weather, and we found it.  The beaches were sublime.  Going out of town always gives me a chance to unwind, and reflect; something I desperately needed.  I was able to reflect on our situation, and I have some thoughts to share with you.  

First off, I want to share with you how appalled and disgusted I am with the entire family court system, and the so-called process of reunification.  It’s a joke.  The two of you, and myself, have been victimized by it.  I made some mistakes.  I’ve owned up to them, and done everything humanly possible to atone for them.  Guess what? In the eyes of the court, that makes no difference.  The court made its mind up about me almost three years ago.  During a virtual, online hearing, it took judge R.H., just under five minutes to decide I should lose custody of my children.  There was little to no evidence proving I had abused the two of you.  However, she saw it fit, to remove you two from my care, what might turn out to be, permanently.  During the ensuing three years, the family court system has failed to provide any feasible, realistic, plan for me to regain any custody back.  The court system, and all other parties involved, have yet to provide any constructive, or cohesive plan for us to be able to “reunify,” our relationship.  So much unnecessary, collateral damage has been caused; and for nothing.  I maintain, with 100% certainty, that post my divorce from your mother, I never did, nor had any intention, of harming either of you.  My only goal was to protect you, and give you the best childhood possible, moving forward, post-divorce.  This is something that is well documented, and proven, as the two of you appeared to be flourishing under our 70/30% shared custody plan.  At no point in time, did I ever put either of you in danger.  I did nothing but love and care for you every second that you were in my care.  The only documented incident of me behaving in a way that was “reckless” occurred while the two of you were in your mother’s care, and had nothing to do with either of you.  

When you were removed from my care by Judge R.H. and the family court system, I would describe our relationship as; mutually loving, flourishing, healing, supportive, trusting, caring, etc.  Almost three years later, I would describe our relationship as; deteriorated, destroyed, decayed, void of any mutual love, respect, or trust, non-existent.  Our relationship has been ruined.  After 10 months of reunification therapy, we are no closer to having a relationship, as expressed and exemplified by the two of you.  In fact, I could describe us as being further apart now, then ever before.  This is no surprise.  After the many years of harm, lies, manipulation thrust upon the two of you, there is no way in the world a 1 hour therapy session per week could heal that damage.  There will most likely never be any reunification between the three of us.  Upon reflection, I’m becoming more at ease with this realization.  I’ve done everything I can do to reunite us, and bring us back together, so although it will be extremely difficult, I can live with whatever the outcome may be.  

I also would like to highlight the financial absurdity of the family court system, and its supporting cast; including but not limited to attorneys.  Again, this is very well documented, and I have all receipts to prove it.  As of now, I’ve spent well over $150, 000 on this fiasco, and that’s conservative.  I don’t regret a single cent spent, because the money was spent on trying to heal, repair, and rebuild my relationship with the two of you; and that is something you cannot put a price on.  However, the phrase “it’s time to cut your losses and move on,” does enter into my mind frequently.  If progress was being made, I might feel differently about it.  But the fact is, regression is being made.  So, at what cost do I continue this battle?  Especially, if I know it’s having negative effects on the two of you.  At the end of the day, the only thing that matters is your well-being, and my well-being.  I can tell you right now, this has been nothing short of detrimental to the health and well-being of all three of us.

We have all been tasked with the impossible; attempting to heal a relationship that has been devastatingly fractured for the past three years, with minimal time and resources, and a limited budget.  It should be no surprise to anyone that it hasn't worked yet.  Psychologically speaking, this is nearly an impossible task to accomplish.  The family court system is a farce, a fraud, a scam.  I understand its inception, and its intentions.  However, it’s not meant to succeed.  It’s actually set up to fail.  It’s also set up to keep local government in business, and to line the pockets of family law attorney’s, reunification therapists’, supervised visitation companies, alcohol and drug detection companies, etc.  It's a big business, and a huge money making entity.  Again, I understand that the intentions of most parties involved might be pure.  However, when one parent turns on the other, and does everything in their power to harm and fracture the relationship between children and the non-custodial parent, it’s a recipe for disaster.  There is no positive outcome available.  Only harm, hurt, pain, devastation, financial loss, and fractured relationships.  

My only concern always has been, and always will be, for the two of you.  I will do whatever I can to ensure you have a happy, healthy, and meaningful life; even if that means me not being a part of it.  I will continue to support you financially via child support, and if that is the only way in which I am able to support you, so be it.  

I hope the two of you are doing well, and enjoying your summer.  Four of our ten therapy visits have been canceled on behalf of your mother, so I hope that means you are doing lots of fun trips and activities.  I know you are both reluctant to share information with me, so I may never know.  Not a day goes by where I don’t hope and pray for the best for both of you.  You are always and forever in my heart, and no one can ever take that away.  


Love,

Dad

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