05/31/23

Dear O and C,

        I wish there was nothing to report in terms of your mother’s interference with our reunification, but unfortunately, that is not the case.  She canceled our visit yesterday.  This is two visits in a row.  I’ve been waiting patiently to celebrate your birthday with you, C.  It will have to wait yet another week.  Your mother canceled the visit, supposedly, because O got stung by a bee, and had an allergic reaction.  If this was the first or second cancellation she initiated, I would probably take her at her word.  However, this is the sixth cancellation she has initiated.  Combined with the outrageous claims she made to the therapist just days earlier, it’s all too suspicious.  A few days ago, your mother contacted the reunification therapist, and claimed I was interfering in the process.  She claimed I told one of your classmates to tell you, “That I was a good guy, and that I had changed.”  I want to tell you first hand that this could not be further from the truth.  

Here is what actually happened.  A friend of mine, I.O., reached out to me and asked if she could coach the volleyball team next year, because her daughter would be attending my school.  I of course agreed, and started the hiring process, as I am the athletic director.  She also asked me if she could run a volleyball skills clinic, in order to become acquainted with the athletes and the facilities.  Again, I agreed.  I knew I.O.’s daughter attended the same elementary school as the two of you.  I also knew, she had mutual friends with your mother.  That being said, I was very cautious about what I said to I.O.  I will reiterate that I have never spoken poorly about your mother, to anyone in the community, or to anyone who might have access or contact with her.  I have been beyond respectful in terms of keeping information and events that have unfolded regarding custody, to myself.  

When I saw I.O. for the first time in a long time, she embraced me.  With tears in her eyes, she told me she was sorry for what I was going through.  I don’t think she knew the extent of the harm that had been caused, but she did share she has had contact with your mother, and your mother routinely shared her side of the story, with everyone and anyone who would listen.  This doesn’t surprise me.  She craves attention, and posts every thought and feeling she’s ever had on social media.  Unlike me, your mother has not respected your privacy, which is highly inappropriate and harmful.  Hearing I.O. apologize to me for what I had been going through, was the first time anyone who had first-hand knowledge of what was happening, had acknowledged me, and my suffering.  It felt good.  I felt slightly validated.  The fear I had that I.O. was a spy, and had been working for your mother, began to dissipate.  So, I opened up to her a bit.  I explained how hard this situation has been for me, and that it felt like there was no end in sight.  She empathized with me, and expressed that no mother should ever take children away from their father.  I agreed.  As mentioned in an earlier entry, she informed me that your mother has constantly been speaking poorly about me to everyone in the community, and that you, O, had told multiple classmates, including I.O.’s daughter, that I was dead. 

On that same day, I met I.O.’s daughter, who attends the same school as the two of you, and will be attending the school I teach at next year.  I asked her, “do you know O and C?”  She replied “Yes, O is in my class.”  I said, “That’s awesome! Tell them I said hi!” That was the extent of our conversation about either of you. We then went on to talk about how tall she was, and how she was excited to be attending the school I taught at. That was it.  So, with all of that being said, you need to know something.  I can’t be held responsible for what other people say to you.  I can only control what I say to you and to make sure that I don’t say anything negative about you or your mother.  Furthermore, if a sweet, innocent child says to you after meeting me, “Your dad is not a bad guy, he has changed,” there is absolutely no harm in that.  That is either her opinion or I.O.’s opinion. But the fact that she shared that opinion with you has nothing to do with me.  Also, many of your friends will be attending my school next year, so you might hear comments like these frequently in the next few years.  You also may be confronted with your friends and former classmates telling you that I am not dead. You’re old enough and smart enough to decipher for yourselves what might be true, and what might not be.  My advice to you is to listen, analyze what you might know to be true, and decide for yourselves.  Eventually, you will have to unlearn the brainwashing that your mother has subjected you to, which has been part of her calculated plan to get you to hate me.  The mind control she has exerted on you is strong, and it is very real.  You live completely in her world, and she is your sole caretaker, so I know it will be hard for you to believe anything other than what she tells you.  However, eventually, you will have to be able to think for yourselves if you want to stand any chance in this world.  The truth is: I am a good person and I have changed.  I’ve demonstrated that to you through my actions.  Someday, you will see it, if you choose to.  Until then, hang in there boys, it’s going to get harder before it gets easier.  I love you to pieces, and I really hope I get to see you next week. 

Love,

Dad