6/30/26

 Dear O and C,

    It's been awhile.  Let me give you some exact timelines. It's been 2,120 days since your mother filed an ex-parte with the SMC family courts.  That means, it's been 2,120 days since I've last seen or spoken to you, without the courts or your mother overseeing and medaling in our communication.  Since this time, your mother and everyone involved in our custody battle has infiltrated and coerced your minds to be scared of me, and view me as the enemy; something we can never recover from. It's been 50, 880 hours since I've last seen or spoken to you unabated or undisturbed.  Out of those 50, 880 hours, I' ve seen or spoken to you approximately 16 hours with direct oversight and supervision from either a supervised visitation steward or family reunification therapist. That means I've been a part of your lives for approximately 0.00031% of your lives.  Out of that time, we were not even free to be ourselves or have any genuine or natural contact.  That is child abuse. You don't realize it now, but someday you will. 

    It's been 1,704 days since I've last had a drink. That is a long time of sobriety.  It's sad, the court ordered me to remain sober in order to see you, but it made no difference in the end. However, I am proud of my sobriety and I wouldn't change it for the world. Remaining sober has afforded me the ability to get my life back.  It has helped me realize and become the very best version of myself.  The irony is, I did it for you, and you will never get to see the results.  However, my wife R, and my two boys CS and BH, get to reep the benefits every single day, so thank you.  I owe a huge debt of gratitude to you both. 

    We don't even know each other anymore.  The only opportunity we had to get to know each other was family reunification therapy, which your mother and the SMC family court system terminated 2 1/2 years ago.  I'm still in shock that judge RR would allow 10 and 12 year old children to decide for themselves whether they wanted to continue therapy with their father, or not.  It was my understanding a child could not have input on the courts decision until he or she was 14 years of age.  So, according to the Ca State law, what judge RR did, was against the law. How she got away with it, or how she came to the conclusion she did, I'll never know.  It was never explained to me.  

    I have tried countless times to contact you.  Your mother has thwarted my every attempt.  Three months ago, I sent your mother one final plea to help me connect with you.  The message I received in return was alarming. She claimed once again, that I was out of line to even ask her to help me connect with you two.  She even went as far as to say my message, which was very cordial, made her feel uncomfortable, and bordered on harassment.  Typical LS always playing the victim, and making it all about her. She claimed she already did her part by setting up an email address which I could email you at.  I know for a fact, the two of you do not have access to that account, and it was just a ploy to silence me and my efforts to connect with you two.  The one positive I gleamed from your mother's last message was closure.  I will never again in my life, attempt to ask for your mothers help in reunifying with you boys. She has made it abundantly clear that she has no intentions of me every having a relationship with the two of you. Knowing this has been freeing for me.  I no longer have to wonder if that day will ever come.  I know it won't, and I've made peace with that. 

    As for my relationship with you two, that will be completely up to you.  I imagine you won't even consider it until you are adults, and able to make your own decisions. Even then, I truly doubt you will ever reach out to me.  It's such a shame.  We have so much to offer each other.  So much of our lives to share with one another. My 3 year old son, CS, asks about the two of you every day.  He wants so badly to meet you, and have a relationship with his brothers. Your memories are alive and well in our household. There are pictures and tokens of you throughout the house.  I cherish the time we were able to spend together, and I will always have that to reflect on.  I see both of you in the very best of lights.  I know that the deterioration and omission of our relationship was not your doing, and I will never hold it against you.  Instead, I choose to remember you and our relationship in a loving manner, filled with love and happiness. That is the version of you two that I share with my boys, CS and BH.  They will know there brothers as happy, healthy, loving, intelligent, curious, athletic, and compassionate boys.  I wish nothing but the very best for you two.  May the wind always be at your backs, the sun always shinning down on you, and god always at your side.  I love and miss you so much.

Love always,

Dad





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