6/2/25

Dear O and C,

        I miss you so much.  It’s been awhile since I’ve last written to you, and I have lots to share.  Your mother did not pursue legal action after I saw you at the baseball game C.  She had no cause to pursue legal action, but that never stopped her before.  I still haven’t received any agreed upon updates from your mother.  My guess is, I never will again.  I’ve been debating asking her why she stopped sending them, but I don’t want to stir the pot, or give her any reason to get her attorneys involved.  She has me right where she wants me in terms of my relationship with you two; pacified and helpless.  I have presumed nothing but positive intentions throughout this miserable so called reunification process; to no avail.  It has been anything but reunifying. In fact, due to your mothers’ alienation efforts, it has been the complete opposite. Each day that we are not attempting to heal our relationship, we are growing further apart. My deepest fears regarding our relationship have come to fruition.  I hold my grandfather's words truer to my heart now than ever before.  He wrote, and I have tattooed on my arm, “May our fears be lessened and drained away, leaving voids to be filled with love, for everyone, everywhere.”  There is a huge void in my life with the absence of you two.  At first, I was fearful, and I filled that void with hatred.  However, so much time has passed, and I’ve experienced the worst this situation has to offer; I lost the two of you completely.  Nothing could be more hurtful and devastating.  I have chosen to move beyond the fear and the hate, and yes, fill the void of missing you two with love.  This is not an easy action, but my grandfather was right, and it is the best action.  I put love out into the world, in hopes of getting love in return, and I have gotten love in droves. Whenever I think about the two of you, which is daily, I feel love.  I remember the deep love we once expressed towards one another.  And although we are no longer allowed to express our love for each other, I know it still exists.  I love every moment we ever shared together.  I love every memory we made together.  I love the fact that those memories will never leave me, and I will hold them close to my heart for the rest of my life.  I love that from a very very far distance, I have seen and heard about successes that you two are experiencing.  C, R just shared a picture of you from the little league website.  You are smiling ear to ear, and you genuinely look happy.  That makes me happy.   Last month, while driving home from the grocery store, I saw the two of you playing baseball together in the field by your apartment complex.  O, you were pitching to C.  My guess O, is that you were getting your brother ready for the playoffs. C, I know you made the playoffs because one of my students told me his team was playing your team in the playoffs.  It absolutely warmed my heart to the core seeing the two of you out there playing baseball with each other.  If I have given you nothing else in this world, at least I helped give you each other; and that is priceless. 

C, I want to wish you a happy birthday.  On 5/24/25, you turned 12 years old.  I bought you a gift, but did not send it because I know it would not have been given to you.  I will hold onto it, and hopefully be able to give it to you someday. I messaged you on the talking parents app, but I doubt your mom shared my message with you.  I hope you had an absolutely beautiful birthday, filled with love, joy, and happiness.  I hope you were surrounded by the ones you love, and that you felt loved, appreciated, and cared for.  I know you were loved and cared for in my house, on your birthday.  We had a party to celebrate you, C.  Everyone who loves you most was there; Your grandma, your uncle B, your cousins J and M, your aunt L, your stepmom R, your half brother’s CS and BH, and me. We ate your favorite foods.  Grandma baked you a chocolate cake.  We say happy birthday to you, and made wishes for you.  C, you are so loved by so many people.  Although you couldn’t see us or speak to us, I hope that you felt the love from us on your special day, C. 

You might have noticed an extra set of initials in that list.  That’s right, you guys have another half brother, BH.  He was born on April 26th, 2025.  I pray to God that someday you will get to meet him.  You guys would love your half brothers and no doubt, be the best big brothers on the planet.  

I love you both so very much.  One more week of school left. I hope you have some fun and exciting plans for the summer!


Love,

Dad

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