2/12/25

Dear O and C,

The torture continues. C, I found out you play basketball for your middle school.  While this should make me happy, it doesn’t because your mom chooses to weaponize it.  Your team played at my school on Monday.  I am the gym supervisor, so normally, I would be there to keep score and make sure things run smoothly.  Because your mother recently contacted the district again, and once again, gave them misinformation about what our most recent court order states, I wasn’t allowed to be there.  I received another letter in my file with strict directives; one of them being, I’m not allowed to be on any campus where you and your brother will be.  Once again, there is not a “no contact order” in place.  Your mother attempted, but failed, to get a restraining order against me.  The only thing preventing me from seeing you, is your mother, and now, because of your mother, my district.  She has caused me so much pain and stress.  I chose to give up my fight for any opportunity to see the two of you, because apparently, that was your wish.  I gave you guys your peace.  All I ask is that you please give me mine.  I surrendered to your mother long ago, and yet she continues to bring the fight to me every chance she gets.  It must empower her, or make her feel good about herself.  I hope you never feel the same way. I hope you don’t get joy from bringing others pain.  I hope you are not satisfied, by making others suffer.  These are traits that will not serve you well in this life, especially being white males in America.  You will be put under a microscope your entire lives, so your ability to act with reckless abandon, the way your mother has, will only cause you trouble.  C, apparently your team won the other day versus my school.  I’m glad you are playing basketball.  I hope you are having fun, and experiencing success.  I hope the two of you continue to play sports as long as you can.  Any opportunity you get to be a part of a team, and understand how the world functions, is a win.  By playing sports and being part of a team, you are learning about rules, how to cooperate with others, victory, loss, joy, and disappointment; all skills and feelings you will experience throughout life.  It also gives me hope that you will experience the guidance and viewpoints of other adults, and not just your mother.  Normally, a child has two parents, and two sides of the family, to teach and guide a child throughout life.  You have been stripped of one parent, and one half of your entire family, so you don’t get to experience viewpoints and guidance other than your mother’s, and maybe her side of the family.  This gives you a one sided perspective on life, and is not healthy.  Therefore, I hope you can depend on teachers, coaches, parents of your friends, to give you help, offer you guidance, and a different perspective throughout your life.  

If I am suffering so you can have peace, maybe it’s a fair sacrifice.  By all means, I would go to the ends of the earth for any of my children.  However, I offer you this. I don’t need to suffer in order for you to have peace.  I am no threat to you. In the past five years, I have not once violated your peace or your space.  I have not sought to see or communicate with you other than what the court has suggested.  We can both have peace.  We can live completely separate lives, without ever having contact, even being that we live in the same city.  Please help grant me the peace I so desperately crave.  It serves no purpose to constantly harass me, and attempt to control me.  While I know it is your mother’s doing, I pray to god you are innocent in the matter. I even hope that someday you will advocate for my peace. I at least deserve that.  What goes around comes back around.  If you do not at the very least, advocate for my peace someday, then others will not advocate for your peace in the future. I encourage you to live by the golden rule; treat others how you wish to be treated.  Everyone says that you two, any children of divorced parents, are just innocent victims in all of it.  While that may be true to a certain extent, once you become old enough, you are no longer victims.  Once you become old enough, you will have a choice. You can choose to perpetuate your mother’s narrative, and continue to cause me pain and suffering.  Or you can choose to realize that not everything that happened was my fault, and that your mother played a part in things as well. I’m not asking you to forgive me, you have to if you don’t want to.  But if you chose not to, then you will have to live with that choice. All I’m asking is that someday, you advocate for me to no longer be harassed and tortured by your mother.  Please, don’t wish suffering on anyone, and don’t take part in bringing suffering upon anyone.  You will live a happier and more fulfilling life if you choose peace, kindness, and love. Do good to others, or do nothing at all.  Say kind things to others, or say nothing at all. Be the change you wish to see in the world.


Love,

Dad

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