11/21/25

 Dear O and C,

    How have you been?  It's been awhile since I've written you.  I've been very busy with life.  Having two little boys is a lot of work!  CS and BH, remind me so much of you two when you were little.  They have so many of the same mannerisms as you two did.  It almost seems surreal at times.  I feel so truly blessed to have four beautiful and healthy boys.  I am beyond grateful.

    Since I last wrote to you, your mother agreed to set up an email account for me to contact you at.  I have written you two emails.  She prefaced her message to me by saying there will be no guarantee that you will read or respond to the emails.  I agreed, of course.   All I can do is keep trying.  I have written you two emails since.  I have no way of knowing whether you read them or not.  So, needless to say, you didn't respond.  I am not upset by that, I just hope that some day you change your mind, and decide to at least read the emails.  

    There is so much in my life I want to share with you, and cannot.  It's extremely painful.  All I can do is prey that someday you find it in you hearts to forgive me.  I know the likelihood of you ever reading these messages is extremely low as well, but I find it important to keep writing.  I write to you so that if someday you wish to know my truth, it will be here for you to read.  I write for my own therapeutic purposes.  I write to record history, so you will know the happenings in my life, and have a timeline for everything that has occurred as well.  I write so that if you never speak to me again, and I pass away, you will have these letters to reflect on.  You will know how much I loved you.  You will know how much work I put into making myself a better person because of you.  You will know that I never blamed you for not wanting to speak to me.  That was not your decision, nor your fault.  You will know that I tried everything in my power to be a part of your lives.  And I will live the rest of my life knowing that I gave our relationship everything I had.  

    I have new responsibilities now.  I have two more young boys to raise and take care of.  I have learned from my mistakes, and I believe I am the very best father I can be.  Some of that, I can thank the two of you for.  You helped to shape and turn me into the best version of myself; the version I am today.  In one of my recent emails you to, I expressed to you that this past halloween marked my fourth year of sobriety.  I owe some of that to you.  

    The only information your mother has shared with me recently is that you are both doing well in school, and both playing sports.  I asked her if she could continue sending me updates, and she said no, because she felt they were redundant.  This was very hurtful to hear.  I haven't seen, heard from, or spoken to you in years.  There would be no such thing as sending me redundant information.  She could send me the same information over and over again, and I wouldn't find it redundant.  Unless you've been an alienated parent, you could never know how it feels to no almost nothing about your children, who you love and care for so deeply.  There really is no way to describe the pain and suffering.  It has permanently changed me and I have an emptiness inside of me that can never be filled. 

    My wife, BC, recently discovered two of your social media accounts.  You both changed your last names to your mother's last name, which is also hurtful.  In any case, seeing your social media posts gave me more insight into your lives than I've had in over five years.  It was bitter sweet viewing them.  C, your page gives more insight that O's.  For example C, I know that you enjoy football, baseball, basketball cooking, dancing, sushi, religion, and being creative.  O, yours has less information, but I know you are into football, basketball, music, religion, and being creative as well.  I couldn't help but think how much the two of you are like me when viewing your posts.  I know that would probably make you cringe, but it's true.  I also thought about how cool I thought the two of you were.  Which, if I'm being honest, I was pretty cool when I was your age too.  I saw pictures of you two for the first time in years.  You both look great.  Although I don't really know either of you anymore, I can say without a doubt, that I am proud of you.  

    Ironically your basketball teams play the teams from my middle school today.  I wish you both the best of luck.  I wish I could watch you play.  There won't be many more opportunities for me to be able to watch you, which saddens me.  I have already missed so many of you milestones and accomplishments, and I will continue to miss so many more, for as long as the alienation continues.  I'm sure now, this is the way you want it.  But I can't help but think you might regret it someday.  I hope you both have an amazing thanksgiving break.  I love you both so much.

Love,

Dad

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