9/3/23

Dear O and C,

I’ve got two words for you; Parental Alienation!  Let me say it again; Parental Alienation.  There is no other way to put it.  I’m sorry the two of you have fallen victim to it.  I’m sorry that I have fallen victim to it.  It is what it is, and it’s extremely unfortunate we have to deal with it.  

Last weekend, I was supposed to see you boys for the first time in almost three months.  Let me refresh your memory a bit.  Judge R.R. ordered that reunification therapy go from every week, to every other week, because of the “so called strain it was causing the two of you.”  Fine, so be it.  I had no problem with the order.  As a matter of fact, I was happy about it.  Frankly, seeing you every week wasn't working. You two were not happy with the visits.  The visits felt forced, and there was not much reunification happening.  Not to mention, between therapy, and all of my attorney fees, I was happy about the cost savings of only having two visits per month.  What I was not happy about, was the fact that judge R.R. ordered the visits to be contingent upon whether or not the two of you were feeling up to visiting.  I’m no genius, but given all that’s occurred, as soon as she said that, I knew I might never see you again.  

So far, I was right.  Of course, your mother canceled the first visit.  Our reunification therapist reached out to your mother, and your individual counselor D.R., and tried to devise a realistic plan moving forward that might actually work.  C.F. suggested that maybe we should try only meeting once a month, on a Sunday, with the idea that your mother would do her very best to make sure you attended the visit.  She agreed.  Of course, she agreed.  She is so very good at manipulating people, and making them think she is on board with reunification.  This could not be further from the truth.  She, as evidenced by thousands of pages of court documents, has done everything in her power to make sure the three of us never have a relationship again.  Then she goes and tells everyone, she's doing everything she can to support the reunification process.  She is pure evil.  

After C.F. conferenced called with your mother and D.R., she called me to inform me of the new plan.  She said she had a good feeling about this, and was hopeful the visits would take place.  I didn’t express my doubt to her, because I trust her, and I know she has positive intentions.  However, she doesn’t know the lies, deceit, and manipulation your mother is capable of.  In my heart, I had a strong feeling that I wasn’t going to see you.  However, I kept our visit on the colander, and hoped that it would happen.  As the visit approached, I almost got excited at the prospect of seeing you guys.  With everything I’ve gone through, I’ve learned not to let my emotions or feelings get in the way of reality.  I’ve also learned to stay even keeled, and take things in stride, as they come.  This has been part of my growth process.  I’ve become much more stable in my approach to life; and so far, it has served me well.  I can offer this up to you as advice.  “Don’t let highs get too high, or the lows get too low.  Just be, and take things one step at a time.”  Also, patience really is a virtue, and one that you can’t live without.  

Just as I expected, your mother canceled our one monthly visit. I wasn’t even given a reason why.  I didn’t ask.  Honestly, I don’t care.  There is no valid reason for the two of you to not see me once a month for reunification therapy.  It doesn’t matter if you are anxious, nervous, sad, angry, or feeling any other emotion.  I am your dad, and there is absolutely zero harm in you seeing me once a month for one hour during therapy.  There is zero potential for any harm.  The fact that “you don’t want to see me,” is not a valid excuse to cancel therapy.  

However, I think I’m finally getting the message.  Your mother has done everything in her power to destroy our relationship, and it worked.  Your minds have been completely warped into thinking I’m some kind of monster; and you no longer want to see me.  I get it. One thing I’m happy about, is the fact that I did absolutely everything in my power to have a relationship with you guys.  Now I can live with myself.  I can move on with my life, and not have any regrets when it comes to my relationship with you guys.  I’ve owned up and taken responsibility for all of my past wrongdoings.  I’ve put in the work, to make myself a better person.  I’ve put in the time, effort, work, and money to ensure that we could have a path to reunification.  I never missed a therapy session.  I never failed a breathalyzer test.  I never missed a court date.  Every visit we had together, I showed you love, patience, respect, and kindness.  I listened to all of your concerns, and I addressed them.  I apologized to you for all of my mistakes.  I was gracious with you.  I brought food and drinks every visit.  I brought you well thought out gifts for your birthdays and holidays.  I have no regrets.  I did everything I could.

Now my work lies in how to best move forward, without you.  I’m seeing a therapist again to help me with this work.  My first visit went very well, and he had many ideas on how I can deal with the pain, and the grief of losing you, and still move on with my life in a positive and meaningful way.  It doesn’t mean I have to forget about the two of you.  It just means that I no longer have to pour so much energy into a problem, that doesn’t have a solution.  I can begin to transfer more of my energy into the present, and what my life should look like moving forward. At the same time, I can be here for you with open arms when you are ready to let me back into your lives. That could be in a year, five years, 10 years, or never.  But I will be here for you no matter what.  Because we won’t be seeing each other anymore, these letters really are all that I’ve got.  So, I hope that one day, you are able to read them, so you can better understand me, and the real story of how and why our relationship deteriorated.  Just remember, anything can be rebuilt no matter how damaged it is.  You just need the right parts, the know-how, and the commitment.  I will always be committed to you boys.  


Love,

Dad

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