7/10/23-Letters To O and C: Part II
Dear O and C,
I was going to take a break from writing these letters, but it turns out, I can’t. These letters are too important, and I hope that someday, they will shed some light on some very dark situations. As I have mentioned in past entries, this really is my only way of communicating with you, for the most part. We still have our therapy sessions, but your mother has canceled the last two visits. As a result, I haven’t seen you in three weeks. It feels more like a lifetime.
So much is happening in my life, and I’m sure in yours as well, that we don’t get to share with one another. Your brother, CS, is getting so big. He is rolling over now, and no doubt, will be crawling soon. He is making all kinds of cute noises, and is always smiling. He is one happy baby. You guys would love him. I hope someday you get to meet him. We also had a party in S.C., for your Aunt L’s mother. It was her 70th birthday. Your cousins, J and M miss you so incredibly much. They ask about you every time I see them. They especially miss you at family gatherings and functions, because they used to have you boys there to play with. There isn’t anyone else in the family close to them in age, so they are missing their playmates, you both, terribly. J texted me last night and asked me if you guys ever ask about him and M. I had to tell him the truth: no, you never ask about them. I also shared that you guys never ask about me, or anyone else in my family, so not to take it personally. J is only 13; I’m not sure if that is possible for him. To be honest, it’s not possible for any of us. We all take it personally, because it is. It’s so deeply personal. You boys were such a huge, and integral part of our family. We did everything together. We shared so many moments, memories, life events, and milestones together. Nobody in my family could have imagined a life without you; and, to be honest, we are still having a difficult time grappling with it.
Out of respect for you boys, and your recent requests to no longer have therapy with me, I submitted a settlement offer to your mother and her attorney. The settlement offer states, that in lieu of therapy with me every week, that we would have two supervised visits per month. This means two less times you have to see me every month. It also asks for me to be able to send you text messages or emails, so we can have more consistent, regular contact. There is really no way to sustain or maintain any type of relationship with the inconsistent or lack of communication and contact between us. I figure this offer might take the pressure off of you boys, in terms of having to open up and talk about things you don’t want to talk about. Instead, we could just play ball, eat snacks, and hang out. When we have kept it light during therapy, the way supervised visits would occur, things have gone really well. We have had lots of fun playing baseball and football or just chasing bubbles around. I’m hoping this proposed model would help to alleviate any anxiety you might feel from having to see me. I submitted the offer last Tuesday. It’s been almost one week, and although I’m not optimistic, I’m really hoping your mother accepts it. Honestly, it’s in everyone’s best interest. If she doesn’t accept it, then we have to go back to court on the 20th, so the judge can rule on how things are supposed to go moving forward. Due to all of the canceled therapy sessions, my guess is that the judge would order therapy to continue for at least another three months. This means, we would be stuck in the same rut, of you boys reluctantly having to see me every week. Because of the animosity and resentment you hold against me, we would not make much progress, if any, during therapy. Also, my proposal suggests that we follow this model of two supervised visits per week, for one year. This way, we can stay out of court for a year. This would save money for both your mother and I. It would also provide consistency, without the fear of change, which I believe is highly important for your mental health and well-being. It would also allow me to have regular contact with you, via email or text. I know you hate me, and don’t consider me to be your dad. But again, the reality is, I am your dad. You only get one. So, we might as well make the most of it. Although I know you don’t want to know what’s going on in my life, I think that it is important that I know what’s going on in your life. The role of a parent can change throughout a lifetime due to circumstance. However, I will never stop caring about the two of you, wanting what’s best for you, and being concerned about your welfare.
***UPDATE***
After writing the initial letter today, I received an email from my attorney. To no one’s surprise, your mother rejected my settlement offer. She sent a counter offer suggesting that we terminate therapy immediately. She refused the idea of me having any contact with you via email or text. Instead, she proposed that she would send me an email every six months, informing me on how you two were doing. She also suggested that we do not resume any contact such as therapy or supervised visits, until the two of you ask for it. Her counter-offer is laughable, yet very on par for her, because in no way is it equitable or fair for all parties involved.
I hope you can understand how truly absurd these requests are. I’m not sure you could ever understand unless you have children of your own one day. I would ask your mother, if the tables were turned, would she be comfortable giving up her children completely? I think not. It’s not natural. It goes against all human instinct. Also, as I have mentioned previously, my fear is that you would hold it against me someday, and once again, accuse me of quitting on you. This is something I refuse to even risk.
Your mother also canceled our visit today, so it will have been one month since I’ve seen you last. Once again, this does not surprise me. However, again, due to the lack of consistency, I find it nearly impossible for us to make any progress on our relationship. Your personal therapist, DR wrote up her reports to submit to the court. They are riddled with lies. I don’t know if she is making up the stories, or you two are. Either way, reading the reports was nauseating and heartbreaking. I wonder if the two of you have been coached to lie to DR, in hopes that it will help to cease reunification therapy with me. I fear you are adopting the ways of your mother, and realizing that you can lie and manipulate situations in order to get your way. This is a disgusting and harmful way to live life. It also saddens me to know that DR made such strong recommendations for reunification therapy to cease. CF and I invited her several times to join our therapy sessions, so she could have a better understanding of what was occurring. We even offered her to join virtually, to make it more convenient. She denied all requests. Not once has DR had your best interest at heart when it comes to the reunification between us. Your mother, DR, and your mother's attorney are all operating under the assumption that having only one parent is better than two. I know there are certain situations where this might be the case; but I don’t believe our situation is one of them. I believe I have a lot to offer you as a father, and that I just need to support, and a chance, to show you. I fear I will never be given that chance, and that you two will suffer as a result of that. My heart is, and will always be, with you.
On a separate note, I hope that the two of you are enjoying your summer. Last I heard, you were going to New York and Lake Tahoe. Those both sound like incredibly fun trips. You also mentioned that you were attending a couple of sports camps over the summer. That all sounds lovely, and I genuinely hope you enjoy each and every experience. I wish I got to be a part of your summer experience, or at least be able to hear about your summer first hand. However, right now that’s not possible, so I just have to pray, have faith, and keep love in my heart. Take care.
Love,
Dad
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