12/21/23

Dear O and C,

My apologies for not writing in quite some time.  I miss you both dearly.  So much has happened since the last time I wrote.  It’s December 21st, 2023.  I haven’t seen you guys since June 1st, 2023; that’s over six months.  You skipped the last few therapy sessions leading up to the July 2023 court date.  Then, the judge ruled, the therapy sessions were optional, and if you didn’t feel like going, you didn’t have to.  I knew in my heart that I would never see you again for another therapy session.  So, I made the very difficult decision to forgo therapy, court, and fighting for a chance to see you.  Instead, I wrote you a letter explaining how I would always be there for you, and when you were ready to re-engage in therapy, I would be waiting.  Again, in my heart, I knew deep down that it would be a very long time, if ever, until I heard from you again.  

So much has happened since the last time we saw each other.  Let’s start first with O’s birthday, 10/1/23.  Happy birthday O! I can’t believe you are 12! I can’t believe you’re in middle school now!  The craziest part is, you were originally supposed to go to my school.  I would have potentially been coaching you in flag football, basketball, and any other sport you decided to play.  I teach so many of your friends from elementary school.  However, due to your mother going to the district office and basically placing a gag order on me, I am not allowed to speak about you to any of my students.  I did recently have some students ask if you were my son though.  I wasn’t going to lie to them, and so I told them that yes, you are my son.  Some of their faces lit up and they exclaimed how they were friends with you.  One girl explained how she was your secret Santa last year, and that she got you a duck related gift, because ducks were your favorite.  She is one of my sweetest students, and knowing she gave you a gift warmed my heart. 

The next big event to occur was my two-year sobriety birthday, 10/31/23.  It’s been 781 days as of today.  Sobriety is something I’m very proud of.  I made a lot of bad decisions because of alcohol, many that affected you in a negative way.  I couldn’t see it at the time, but alcohol was detrimental to my life, my relationships, and my ability to be the best version of myself.  It’s a shame you can’t see and get to know the new version of me. I am quite proud of my accomplishment to remain sober, and it has positively impacted everything about my life. My marriage and bond with B could not be any stronger.  My relationship with C, and my role as a father to him is a bond that will never be broken.  There is no doubt in my mind, that had I been given a fair shot to reconnect with the two of you, that we too would have been able to build a very strong relationship; one that would never again be destroyed.  Part of what keeps me sober is the thought of one day being a part of your life again.  I want to be someone you are proud of; someone you can look up to and say, “that’s my dad.” 

November 2023 would have been our next court date.  However, again, I decided it was in everyone’s best interest to forgo the hearing.  I stood absolutely nothing to gain from it.  The two of you made it so abundantly clear that you wanted to have nothing to do with me.  It was costing me a fortune to retain a lawyer, and fight for my right to have a relationship with you guys.  Your mother was attacking me from every angle. I literally had to go to my district office three times, and sign three separate documents stating the following; 1. That I would not discuss the two of you with any adult employed or affiliated with our district.  2. That I would not discuss the two of you with any student enrolled in our district.  3. That I would not post anything online relating to the two of you, during work hours.  Your mother had me absolutely petrified that I was going to lose my job.  I understand O that you searched your name on the internet, and came across a post I had made about “Parental alienation,” and it upset you.  I do apologize for that.  It was never intended for you to see. I have since deleted the account.  I do however want you to know, and C too, that what your mother did between you boys and myself, is 100% parental alienation to its core.  She separated us from each other, and never gave us the opportunity to have a relationship again.  I realize I made plenty of mistakes that affected our relationship, and I’ll never deny that.  In fact, I’ve done nothing but own up to them, and atone for my mistakes, in the name of having an opportunity to rebuild our relationship.  However, with constant badgering, litigation, mudslinging, interference, false accusations, it was impossible for us to ever stand a chance.  Also, I know right now, it is your decision to have nothing to do with me.  However, I want you to know that as you get older, you will realize that you never really had a say in how your relationship with me was going to unfold.  Your mother controlled all of it.  We once shared a bond so strong; I thought it could never be broken.  I underestimated the power of evil.  I underestimated the sheer determination on your mother’s part to ensure that we would never again have any type of relationship.  The result has been devastating.  You too will no doubt feel the devastation someday when you long for a father, and are not permitted to have any contact with him.  Even if you are allowed to voice your opinions on the matter, I am positive you will not be able to act on them.  Not until you are an adult.  And even then, I’m sure you will be hesitant, based on the consequences you might face from your mother.  However, you should absolutely know that if ever you should want to reconnect, I am here for you.  I would never try and persuade you with money or gifts, but you should also know that I have an abundance of resources for you, to help ensure you both live successful, fulfilling lives.  Someday, I will share with you plenty of resources to help you achieve your dreams, regardless if we have any contact with each other or not.  

Here we are, December 2023.  This will be the fourth Christmas I’ve spent without you.  It hurts a little bit less each year, as this has become my new norm.  However, I think about the two of you, and I miss you guys, every day.  You will always be alive and well in my memories. I want to wish you the Merriest of Christmas’ and the happiest of New Years!  I hope these holidays are filled with love, peace, happiness, love, and contentment for the both of you. Despite being without half of your family, I hope the half you do get to spend time with, are taking good care of you.  I love you both so very, very much.


Love,

Dad

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