09/25/22

Dear O and C,

I can’t believe that I get to see the two of you tomorrow.  It’s been over a year and a half since I’ve seen you last.  As I alluded to before, I am feeling a bit nervous and anxious. I’m sure the two of you are feeling anxious and nervous as well.  That’s to be expected, and it’s perfectly fine.  You might be angry at me as well.  You might not want to talk to me at all.  Who knows, maybe you won’t even want to look at me.  I want you to know that any of those actions or reactions are perfectly acceptable.  My only concern for tomorrow is that the two of you feel as safe and comfortable in the room with me as possible.  I’ve only spoken to our therapist a couple of times, but I’m pretty confident that she will be able to assist in making you feel safe and comfortable.  She will have plenty of toys out, and the two of you can just play if that’s what feels best.  There are no expectations of us actually communicating or beginning the rebuilding process.  I think it’s best that the reunification happens organically, and when the two of you are comfortable and ready; nothing should feel forced.  I am committed to ensuring that this process is successful, no matter how long that takes.  I’m committed to rebuilding and reunifying this relationship the correct way, and with the right guidance from our therapist.  You will not be asked to do or say anything that is uncomfortable for either of you.  I’ve been preparing for this moment for a long time.  I’ve done lots of work with my personal therapist regarding this situation.  I’ve been completely sober for almost one full year now.  I’ve taken parenting classes.  I’ve taken anger management classes.  I’ve reflected long and hard about my mistakes, and my poor behavior from the past.  I can tell you for certain that I am in a much better place mentally and emotionally than I have ever been in my life.  I’ve dealt with lots of my trauma from the past, and have a better understanding of why I made the mistakes I made in the past.  I’ve taken the necessary steps to help ensure that these same mistakes never happen again.  I’ve worked very hard on learning how to remain calm, even during intense or stressful situations.  I’ve learned strategies on how to better manage my anger.  I’ve learned parenting strategies, and how to manage situations in a more calm and peaceful manner.  I’ve learned to use a softer tone of voice.  I’ve learned not to overreact.  I’ve learned how wrong it was of me to discipline the two of you, using aggression or physical punishment.  I vow to never do any of that again.  I know it’s going to take lots of time, and I don’t expect this process to be easy.  However, I am excited to show you the man and the father I have become.  I am excited to slowly earn back your trust.  I am excited to rebuild our relationship, hopefully stronger than it ever was before.  Remember, there are no expectations for how long this process is going to take, or if it will even be successful.  However, I am very much looking forward to seeing you two.  I love you so very much, and you have my word, that I will do my very best to be your dad, for the rest of my life.  


Love always,

Dad

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