08/12/22

Dear O and C,

Happy Summer!  Sorry it’s been so long since I’ve written.  I’ve been busy teaching summer school and being the site director. I also got Covid, which was pretty miserable. In addition, R had to have an unexpected foot surgery, so I’ve been caring for her. I have hardly had a second to breathe, let alone write.  At least being this busy helps to keep my mind from thinking about how much I miss the two of you.  

I can’t believe I’ll be forty-three years old next week.  The last two years of my life seem completely surreal.  On one hand, so many heart wrenching and painful things have happened.   On the other hand, so many wonderful and beautiful things have happened in my life.  While it’s difficult to focus only on the positive, I’ve tried really hard to keep a positive mindset, and be thankful and grateful for all of the good in my life. My only hope is that the past two years have been bearable for the two of you.  I hope you have been able to experience some success, joy, and happiness, even without me in your lives.  

I’ll start with the good.  As I mentioned to you before, R and I are engaged to be married.  I am in love with R, and I am very much looking forward to spending the rest of my life with her.  I know you might not remember, but at one point, the two of you loved her as well.  She was so very kind to both of you, and you were able to form a very strong bond with her, in a short amount of time.  I want you to know that I would never have introduced another woman into your lives, unless I was completely confident she would add to the quality of your lives.  I knew from the very first time you met R, that she would love you like her own two children.   I knew she would care for you, put your needs first, and always do what is best for you.  I can’t speak for either of you, but from what I witnessed, the two of you felt pretty confident that she would do the same.  She proved it to you on a regular basis.  Both of you felt very comfortable around R, and were very excited to have her in your lives.  The good news is, if you ever return into my life, R will return into your lives as well.  She has missed you very dearly, and she too, looks forward to the opportunity to rebuild her relationship with you.  We are getting married in October.  I would love nothing more than for the two of you to be there, however, I know that’s not possible.  We will miss you dearly, and will be thinking about you the whole time.  Hopefully we’ll be able to celebrate with you someday.  

I want to share some more great news with you.  I wish I could deliver this news to you in person, or even deliver it to you at all, but I have no contact with you whatsoever. Your mother won’t allow it.  So, I am writing these letters to you in hopes that someday you will be able to read them, and understand my truth.  So, with that being said, I am proud and excited to tell you that both of you are going to be big brothers soon.  R is pregnant.  We’re having a boy!  I know this is probably going to be difficult news for you to digest at first.  You haven’t seen me in one and half years, and now you’re finding out that I’m having another child.  Please know that this child does not replace either of you.  This child is an addition to our family.  I hope one day that you will be able to meet your little brother, and love him and care for him as family.  

I never wanted to be apart from either of you.  Never in my wildest dreams did I think it was even a possibility.  Prior to your mother filing an Ex-Parte, I never even knew what those words meant.  I knew nothing about the family court system, and how devastating it could be for families.  I had never previously hired an attorney, and didn’t know what to look for when choosing one. I chose an attorney who had a strong sense of morality, character, was intelligent, and a knack for practicing family law in a way that was civil and just.  I chose an attorney who best represented me, and my beliefs.  Ironically, she was a former teacher, so I know she also had a big heart, and would fight for what was right.  What I didn’t know is that your mother and her attorneys were so aggressive, and such bullies, that my lawyer and I never stood a chance.  I learned that whoever throws the first punch, and makes the evilest accusations, true or not, wins.  This is exactly what your mother and her attorneys did.  They threatened me, bullied me, threw the first, second, and third punch.  They made false accusations to the court.  They bombarded me with intense, aggressive rhetoric.  They blind-sided me.  They drowned me in paperwork and litigation.  They chose the game, the players, the field, and the referees.  They interfered with the reunification process every step of the way.  I never stood a chance.  I lost the two of you, and there was no safe plan in place for me to get you back.  I cried enough tears to fill up a swimming pool.  They say an elephant can die from a broken heart if they lose a loved one: O and C, I thought I was going to die when I lost you. 

This is supposed to be a good portion of the news though, so let me reiterate how happy I am to be having another baby boy.  I hope he is as loving, kind, and caring as the two of you!  I’m going to skip the bad because I just can’t bring myself to write about it right now.  


Love,

Dad


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