04/20/23



Dear O and C,

Thank you for attending our Reunification therapy session.  I could tell the mood was a bit off.  You both seemed a little reserved.  C, you opened up and talked to me a little bit.  O, you stated you didn’t want to talk about anything heavy, and so we kept it light.  My best guess as to why you both were acting this way was because you had just spoken to the mediator. I’m guessing you shared with him that you no longer wanted to do reunification therapy.  You probably felt some guilt surrounding that meeting.  Maybe you even thought that somehow, I received a copy of the report, and that I would hold a grudge against you for saying what you said, or sharing your honest feelings and opinions with the mediator.  I’m here to tell you that I already know exactly how you feel, and I will never begrudge you for it.  I know you don’t want to see me.  I know you don’t trust me.  I know you don’t want a relationship with me, because you’ve been upfront with me about that.  I also know that these thoughts and feelings have been shaped, groomed, and manipulated by your mother over the past three years. Therefore, I know that they are not entirely your own.  That is the only reason I am clinging to the ever so slightest amount of hope regarding our relationship.  I’m hoping that someday, we will have a breakthrough moment, and you’ll realize that although I wasn’t perfect, that I atoned for my mistakes, and that I worked tirelessly so that we could have a relationship and a future together.  I want you to be able to experience the new version of “me.”  The version that will never yell or intimidate you again.  The version that does not drink.  The version that is safe, trustworthy, and reliable.  Why shouldn’t the two of you reap the benefits of my hard work.  After all, a great deal of the work was for you two.  I had anger issues, I drank too much, and you didn’t feel safe to be around me. I fixed those issues, and now, without a doubt, it is beyond safe for you to be around me.  Yet somehow, your mother is still clinging to this notion that I am dangerous.  While the idea of that may have carried some weight early on in the process, it certainly doesn’t now.  There is absolutely no evidence that I am dangerous.  Matter of fact, all the evidence points to me having put in all of the hard work to assure everyone the opposite; that I am safe, responsible, and have taken the appropriate actions to right my wrongs.  I’m fairly confident that the court will recognize my efforts; I just hope that someday, you are able to as well.  You both deserve to have the new version of me in your lives, and I deserve to have you in my life as well.  Your brother CS deserves to get to know his big brothers someday.  Your step-mom deserves to once again care for you, and prove to you how much she loves you.  Your grandma deserves the same opportunity.  Outside of my immediate family, if it should ever come to it, I will let you decide who you want to let back into your lives, and who you don’t.  I will always respect you and all of your wishes.  I love you with all of my heart.


Love, 

Dad

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