03/18/23



Dear O and C,

Good morning.  It's been awhile since I’ve seen you.  Once again, your mother canceled one of our visits.  This time, at least it sounded like a valid reason.  You supposedly had a baseball game on the day of our last visit.  However, I know that the game was not played due to inclement weather.  There was no effort on your mothers’ part to have our visit continue or to be rescheduled even given the fact she knew your game was canceled.  I’ve grown to expect that our therapy sessions might be canceled due to a multitude of reasons.  It’s very clear to me that our reunification means nothing to anyone, except me.  You boys have expressed to me, our therapist, and your own therapist, that you do not want to be engaging in reunification therapy.  Your mother has clearly brainwashed you into thinking that I’m the worst person on the planet, and that I don’t care about you.  That couldn’t be further from the truth.  I love you both so much, and I am so invested in healing and rebuilding our relationship.  However, I can’t do it alone.  I need some other people to believe in this as well.  Otherwise, of course it won’t work.  

Since it’s highly unlikely I will ever get any form of custody back, and I’m limited to 30 minutes with each of you weekly, if our sessions are not canceled, I will use these letters to impart any paternal wisdom I can to you. In the last letter I wrote to you, I explained the importance of forgiveness.  This letter, I will explain the importance of love.  It sounds cliché when the Beatles sing “All You Need Is Love.”  However, as simple as it sounds, the Beatles were on to something.  It’s true, all you need in this world is love.  So much of our focus as a society is on; material things, the school you attend, the job you get, how much money you make, where you live, what kind of car you drive, how often you win, etc.  While the aforementioned ideas do hold some value, and can serve as motivators in life, they don’t necessarily lead to happiness.  The only way to truly be happy in life, is to love, and to accept love.  When you love and care about other people, no one can take that away from you.  When you perform acts of kindness for others, and they are based in love, it makes you feel good.  Likewise, when other people treat you with love and kindness, it’s a very good feeling.   No matter what you choose to do in life, I hope you choose to do it with love in your hearts.  You can’t love if you can’t forgive.  The two concepts go hand in hand.  This does not mean you have to love everyone.  If someone is mean or cruel to you, you do not have to love them.  It’s good to have a healthy amount of skepticism in life.  It’s also acceptable to have the approach that others’ need to earn your love, or your forgiveness.  You do not have to love or forgive everyone.  However, if someone is attempting to love you, earn your forgiveness, or earn your love, I would say; take a look at it, and evaluate it.  It might be a path worth exploring or accepting.  If you want good people in your life, you have to put good into the world.  

I implore you not to live with hate in your hearts.  Hate leads to fear, stress, resentment, synoecism, skepticism, and makes it extremely difficult to live a happy life.  Hate is the opposite of love.  You cannot have love in your heart if you have hate, and vice versa. You can choose to have either, in any situation.  The example that comes to mind is when I see a parent in a courtroom, expressing forgiveness to the person who murdered their child.  This is the most egregious act a person can commit; taking the life of a loved one from you, especially a child.  And yet, more often than not, I see parents choosing to forgive the assailant.  Why? They don’t have to. In fact, it would probably be easier just to live with the hatred towards the murderer.  Yet, it’s not what most people choose.  Most people choose to forgive.  My guess is because they don’t want to live carrying the burden of hatred in their heart for the rest of their lives.  When you choose love and forgiveness, in a sense, you choose to be free.  You have freed yourself from being held hostage by the actions of others.  People are going to do bad things to you, your entire life.  It's human nature.  If you chose hate every time someone did something bad to you, your entire life would be filled with hatred.  It would be impossible to live a happy life.  However, if you choose love or forgiveness, every time someone did something bad to you, it would still be possible to live a life of happiness.  The only risk here is being taken advantage of, because of your unlimited kindness and love.  This would surely happen if you weren’t careful.  So, you still need to be cognizant of why people are attempting to gain your love or forgiveness.  You need to be able to decipher genuine attempts, versus attempts with ulterior motives in mind.  There will always be evil in the world, and it will always find you at some point.  However, the only way to truly combat evil is with love.  There are very few people who can fully embody this way of life, at all times.  However, I believe that if you live your life with the idea that you will love and forgive, whenever you can, then you will constantly be striving to live a happier and more fulfilling life. There is nothing greater than that.  I love you both so much, and I look forward to our next visit. 


Love,

Dad

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