01/06/23

Dear O and C,

It is with a heavy heart that I write to you today.  I genuinely thought we were on the right track to mending and healing our relationship; and that your mother was on board as well.  Once again, I am a fool for giving her any benefit of the doubt.  What can I say, I am an optimist by nature.  I see the good in people, even if they have wronged me.  It’s a quality I am proud of, but also one that has caused me much heartache and pain. I wouldn’t trade it for the alternative though.  I pride myself on being a good person, who can see past other peoples’ flaws, forgive, and give people the benefit of the doubt.  Well, once again, I’m afraid to tell you, your mother burned me.   She is vengeful, spiteful, and continues to torture and harass me via the court.  My focus is on the two of you, and our relationship moving forward.  It always will be, and nothing will deter me.  However, your mother is trying to derail me, and run the train right off the tracks.  

Let me begin with our visit on Monday.  I thought it went well.  You both seemed excited to see me.  We played basketball, chatted about your holidays, laughed and had fun.  We walked to the local café, and got Boba drinks.  Both of you were very appreciative.  When we returned to the office, we ate cheese balls, talked more, laughed more, and played some more basketball.  When it was time to leave, O, you initiated a hug, and C, you followed shortly after. I felt good about our visit.  I was happy on my drive home.  

Then, when I got home, I checked my email.  To my complete surprise, and utter disgust, I had an email from my lawyer.  When I opened it up, I learned that your mother had filed three brand new declarations with the court.  The first declaration stated that I drank four alcoholic beverages per day, and that I had to admit that to the court.  And if I didn’t, your mother was going to subpoena my cell phone records.  She also wanted access to my cell phone location, stating I had entered locations that sold alcohol, like grocery stores and restaurants. Therefore, she stated that this meant I consumed alcohol.  This accusation is sickening, disheartening, and downright appalling.  I have worked so hard to quit drinking alcohol, and my sobriety is of the utmost importance to me.  I have my life back.  I have a clear mind.  I have normal relationships that don’t revolve around alcohol.  I get to see the two of you; and by the way, have passed every one of my Sober Link breathalyzer tests before and after our visits.  I have way too much at stake to ever consider drinking again.  Trust me, my life is so much better without alcohol in it.  I attend regular support groups, counseling sessions, classes, meetings; I have all the right support in place to stay sober, forever.  Most importantly, being sober is one of the reasons I am allowed to see the two of you, and I would never do anything to jeopardize that.  Your mothers’ accusations are all baseless lies, in an attempt to once again, assassinate my character, and delay the healing process between you and me.  Your mother is disgraceful.  I actually feel sorry for her because she has made her life so miserable.  I moved on a long time ago, and I will never look back.  My wish is that someday soon, she is able to do the same.  All I want is what is best for you two. If your mother is spending all of her time stalking me, researching me, writing new court declarations, consulting with lawyers, I wonder when she has the time to be the type of mother the both of you deserve; one who is supportive and loving. You two allude to small things during our visits that indicate she is not being a good mother to you. For example, I asked you not to eat too many cheese balls, for fear that it might spoil your appetite for dinner.  You replied, “Don’t worry, mom’s not going to make us dinner anyway.”  That is alarming.  She should be spending all of her time caring for you, and being the best mom to you possible.  It breaks my heart to hear that she is being neglectful of the two of you.  It breaks my heart even more to know that instead of focusing her energy, attention, and effort on you, she is spending it in an attempt to destroy me.  I feel terribly sorry that you have to live in an environment like this. Again, my only focus is on my relationship with the two of you.  I promise you; I will pour everything I have into this relationship.  I will continue to be the very best person I can be, for myself, and for you guys.  

The next declaration your mother filed had to do with a domestic dispute between R and I, approximately one year ago.  We got into an argument.  R was on the phone with her friend.  Her friend called the cops.  I threw some wedding invitations at R, and because of this, the cops had to arrest me.  No charges were filed.  R and I both learned valuable lessons from this incident.  I was enrolled in my anger management class and I used all of the strategies I learned that night.  R, however, was very upset with me, and would not let things go.  I did everything I could to stay calm, but eventually, I reached my breaking point.  I snapped, and I made a very poor decision.  I paid dearly for my decision, and I learned my lesson.  I learned that no matter what, no matter how angry someone else makes me, that I am responsible for my actions and reactions.  I learned that no matter what, violence is never the answer.  Although my only actions were to throw paper invitations at R, it was still a violent action, and was uncalled for, and unnecessary.  R learned her lesson as well, and enrolled in a class shortly after. This was more for her to process and learn appropriate coping mechanisms different from what  she did to survive her first marriage, and understand that she didn’t need to exhibit those behaviors now. She too worked on calming strategies and approaches to anger, and potentially hostile situations. We both grew a lot from that night.  We both continued to work through our trauma and difficulties with our counselors as well.  We both had the necessary support and people in place to grow, and successfully move on from that incident.  To be honest, our relationship, and now our marriage, has only grown and become stronger from that point on.  When you reach a tipping point in life, you have two options.  You either learn and grow from it, or you let it break you.  We chose the first option.  In a way, R and I needed to go through that experience in order to become the strongest, most stable couple we can be.  Although I regret my actions that night, I don’t regret going through that experience, and letting it help me develop and grow as a person.  Also, it is important for you to know that I was not drinking at all that night.  In your mothers’ declaration, she claims I had been drinking.  However, that could not be further from the truth.  The police report reflects the truth, and if you ever want to see it, I will gladly share with you.  Once again, this incident had nothing to do with either of you, or my relationship with you.  Also, this incident happened long before the judge granted my reunification therapy with you two.  I was in the midst of lots of important work I had to do to better myself as a person.  It was part of my growth journey, and helped me to become the person I am today. 

Again, it saddens me deeply that your mother still feels the need to meddle in my personal business.  My life has absolutely nothing to do with hers, and it never will.  We have one, and only one thing in common; the two of you.  That’s it, that’s as far as it goes.  Nothing else.  And currently, I don’t have any decision-making power in your lives anyway, so there is not even a need for us to communicate in regards to the two of you.  Someday, that might change, and if it does, we will use a mediator, or a third-party application to communicate.  But again, what happens in my life has nothing to do with your mother, or her life.  Really, it doesn’t even have much to do with your lives at this point.  There are so many protections in place for you boys, and there will be for a long time.  That is the job of the court, and they did their job well.  We are such a long way away from you ever having to see me, without a third-party supervisor present.  That being said, there is nothing for you, or your mother, to worry about when it comes to me, and my relationship with you two.  Therefore, there is no need for your mother to try and dig up dirt on me, stalk me, make false accusations against me, or anything of the sort.  She doesn’t even know me anymore.  It’s been almost three years since she and I have had any contact.  I’ve changed so much during that time.  It’s not fair for her to judge the current me, based on what she knows to be the past me.  Besides, it’s a moot point.  It makes no difference anyway.  How I choose to live my life, has absolutely no bearing on my ability to parent and have a relationship with you boys.  On top of that, I promise you that I have done everything in my power to be the best version of myself I can possibly be for you guys.  I will work tirelessly to rebuild my relationship with you guys.  I will do whatever it takes, no matter what, and I’ll never quit.  I will never do anything to jeopardize that, ever. I love you with all my heart. 

Love,

Dad