05/11/22

 Dear O and C,

I’m feeling a bit better today.  Some days are just too difficult to write.  Yesterday, I was weighed down by a deep, dark sadness.  It took over my mind, my body, and my soul, and I wasn’t able to get anything down on paper, or even formulate any coherent thoughts for that matter.  But today, I’m doing better; so, I write.  

I’ll pick up where we left off last; approaching the summer of 2021.  By this time, I was just searching for any reprieve from the custody battle that I could find.  We had just finished up the last quarter of the school year, and successfully completed a hybrid education model.  I was happy that the students who wanted to be back in the classroom had an opportunity to do so, and those who didn’t, could still learn from home.  It was definitely a small victory, and I’d take any victory I could get at this point. Prior to summer break, I also learned that your mother’s request for a restraining order was denied due to a total lack of evidence and what the judge deemed to be an issue more related to a contentious custody battle, rather than safety.  

R and I had planned a busy summer, so we could enjoy ourselves, and try to keep our minds off of custody and court.  For the most part, it worked.  We also knew that it was a very sad reality that we would not see either of you boys for a long, long time.  We also came to the realization that, either way, life went on, and we needed to live our lives.  We couldn’t let ourselves drown in the sorrow of not being able to see you guys.  So, we planned several trips, to keep ourselves occupied.  I had also signed up to teach summer school.  The first trip we planned was to Scottsdale, Arizona.  We had a blast.  Our hotel was beautiful.  It was really hot, but we stayed by the pool most of the day.  You guys would love it there, and I hope to be able to take you someday.  The grounds were beautifully kept, with flowers, cactuses, and wildlife everywhere.  The food was also amazing.  We ate very authentic Mexican food in Old Town Scottsdale; it was so delicious.  We visited with some of R’s friends, who are now my friends.  We had such a wonderful time.  It was just what we needed to get a break from all of the difficult things we were facing back home.  

When we got home from our trip to Arizona, it was time for me to start summer school.  It was another nice distraction, and a good way for me to earn extra money, which was much needed to pay my attorney’s fees.  I was teaching special education, which I absolutely love.  Also, without being able to see you guys, it was very nice to be able to connect with my students.  I viewed them as my own children.  It gave me so much satisfaction to be able to have a positive impact on the lives of so many beautiful children.  My job gave me such a sense of purpose.  Some days, it felt like my students gave me the ability to go on with my life.  Yes, I know this is hard to hear, but remember, you boys were my entire life.  Without you, there were very grim days, where I felt like I had no purpose to continue living.  I also worked with two very nice co-workers, who I became quite close with.  I was able to share some of what I was going through with them.  It was a very nice outlet for me.  And of course, R gave me a real sense of purpose as well.  She continued to support me during some very tough times.  I am eternally grateful for R, and will spend the rest of my life attempting to repay her.  I love her so much. I could not have gotten through any of this without her, nor would I have made it through my darkest of times. If it wasn’t for R, I might not be here anymore.  I appreciate R more than she’ll ever know, and it’s important for you boys to see that, regardless of what you’ve been told by anyone else. 

Although I had attempted to take a break from court and custody related stuff, there were still several loose ends looming that needed to be tied up.  Your mother had filed a move away request.  She claimed her sister was dying from cancer, and that you guys had to move to Folsom to help take care of her.  I cannot confirm nor deny if this is true or not.  She stated in her declaration, that if I wanted to see you, I could drive the 2 ½ hours and meet you at a Christian church, where I could have an hour-long supervised visit with you.  As you can imagine, I felt this was so disrespectful and preposterous.  Let me add, offensive and outrageous, amongst other adjectives.  However, looking back, this was right on par with everything else your mother had tried to facilitate throughout this process.  Of course, I did not want you guys to move away and I expressed this to your mother’s attorney.  So, she asked me for a global settlement proposal.  I wrote up what I felt to be the fairest offer, for everyone involved.  I stated that I would sign off on the move away request, if we could agree to an 80/20 custody plan.  I suggested that I could have you both at my place, every other weekend and a few weeks in the summer.  I also suggested that we would meet in the middle, in Vacaville, for pick-ups and drop offs.  My proposal was so honest and fair, and I felt one that would have been best for everyone involved.  I had come to grips with the fact that your mom was very much in control of this situation, and if she felt it was best for you guys to begin a new life in Folsom, I didn’t want to deny you that opportunity.  I also wanted to be supportive of the fact that, if your mom’s sister did in fact have cancer, it would be nice if your mother was able to support her and help out.  The only thing I was asking for, was to be able to see you guys once in a while.  Your mother and her attorney immediately denied my settlement offer.  I guess it shouldn’t have surprised me.  Up to this point, your mother and her attorneys had not agreed to one thing that I had suggested.  I had absolutely no power, or decision-making ability, when it came to custody, or anything related to the two of you.  The court date was fast approaching, in July of 2021, and I was terrified.  At this point, I had forgone my attorney for all custody related issues, because I just couldn’t afford it anymore.  So, I would be representing myself, against your mothers’ attorneys, who were the most malicious and ruthless people I have ever known.  Needless to say, it wasn’t a good feeling.  

There was also another court related issue looming: the sale of the family home.  This was another highly complex issue, that frankly, didn’t need to be.  Your mother and I had already agreed, prior to our divorce, what would happen with the house.  This, like everything else, had already been agreed upon, written up in our divorce agreement, and signed off on by a judge.  However, similar to our original custody agreement, I knew that no documents were binding, and that everything could be changed by the court.  Our original agreement was simple.  Your mother would buy me out of my half of the home by June 2020, or we would sell the home and split the profits.  The amount I had agreed to be bought out at, was far less than market value.  Bottom line, I wanted you guys to be able to stay in the house.  I wanted your mother to be able to stay in the house.  I had always recognized my part in the failing of the marriage, and therefore, was willing to do whatever it took to keep you guys in that home.  However, these decisions had been made before your mother got the courts involved and took you guys away from me.  Now, the home issue had become much more controversial and pressing.  

At this point your mother filed a request with the court that would have allowed you guys to stay in the home until C turned 18.  At that point, your mother would be able to stay in the home if she wished, or sell it.  Either way, the document stated that I would only be paid my portion of what the home would have been worth in 2021.  As you can see, like everything else your mother had her hands on, this would have been a very terrible deal for me.  I was so upset because, again, this was something that had already been agreed upon.  If your mother had just held up her end of the deal, and bought me out when she was supposed to, then none of this would have happened.  But, she had ulterior motives.  She was trying to swindle me out of my half of the house.  As much as it pained me that you guys would have to move if the house was sold, losing my half of the house was something I could not stand for.  I worked my entire life to be able to save up for that home.  The down payment for that house was my hard-earned money; money that I had saved long before I ever met your mother.  The loan we got for that house was a teacher specific loan that I was able to secure, given my profession.  I was not about to give up my house for nothing in return. It just wouldn’t have been right.  It wouldn’t have been fair.  Plus, I was swimming in debt from attorney fees, and I needed the money from the house, just to stay afloat.  And so, I did retain my lawyer to help me navigate the house situation. So, the court battle that never should have needed to happen began again.

Love,

Dad