3/7/25

Dear O and C,

        You’re not going to believe this, but another incident occurred.  This time I actually saw you, C. R and I were taking CS for a walk around the block, and he wanted to go to the park; the same one we go to nearly every day.  So of course, we took him.  Actually, I took him, and R went home to make dinner.  As I was approaching the park, and walking past the baseball field, I saw someone sitting in the bleachers that looked like your mother, C. I panicked slightly, but kept walking with CS towards the playground.  Once I got there, I called R, and asked if she could come over to the park and confirm what I thought to be true.  Sure enough, when she reached the playground, she confirmed that in fact, it was your mother sitting in the bleachers, C. This was terrifying.  The park is one of my very few safe places in SM, where I can go and not have to worry about seeing any of you, or being harassed.  Well, so much for that.  Your mother and her friends, if that’s what you want to call them, kept whispering to each other, and looking over at R, CS, and myself.  This was extremely unnerving.  Based on all of your mother’s actions, I know there will be some form of repercussions from this.  I saw her frantically texting away, contacting her lawyer no doubt.  I wouldn’t be surprised if she also called the police.  R, CS, and I did not leave the playground, because, why would we?  It’s our neighborhood playground and CS was having fun.  I did however glance over at the ball field from time to time, hoping to catch a glimpse of one of you, either O or C.  I had no idea that either of you were playing baseball, because again, that is information your mother would not share with me.  So, as I was watching, I spotted a kid who looked like you, C.  I watched a little more, and I was convinced it was you, C.  You were playing 3rd base; and your footwork was pretty good I might add. R has better eyes than me, so I asked if she could confirm it was you, C.  Sure enough, she confirmed it.  Then, she also told me something that was somewhat alarming, but completely checks out given your mother’s history.  R told me that the name on the back of your jersey, C, was your mother’s last name, not yours (or mine for that matter).  That stung a bit, but again, I wasn’t that surprised.  C, I want you to know, you will always share my last name.  You will always be my son, no matter how much you fight it.  Sooner or later, you are just going to have to accept it and come to terms with it.  

It gave me a small amount of joy knowing that you were playing baseball C.  Any athletic ability you have and love for sport comes directly from me and my genes.  Your mother never played sports, never liked sports, and often spoke poorly about them. Again, most of the joy I would have felt from knowing you played baseball, C, was overshadowed by fear of what was to come from this.  I saw one of your mother’s crony friends run to her car, then run over to the dugout, and whisper something to the coach.  The next inning, you were playing right field C; which was the furthest position away from the playground. There is no way this was a coincidence.  Your mother and her friends are beyond pathetic for keeping up this false narrative that they need to protect you, almost five years after the court removed you from my care. It’s utterly disgusting. My only hope is that you were not dragged into this made up drama during your game, C. 

O, you were not at the park, which leads me to believe that you were at home, left to your own devices.  I suppose you are old enough to be on your own at this point, 12.  However, it was a little disappointing knowing that you were not there supporting your brother.  My hope for you is that you were not at home playing video games, eating junk food; because that is my best guess as to where you were and what you were doing. 

I feel so sorry for the two of you, that you have to live this lie.  If it’s not difficult now, it will be someday.  I also feel sorry that you can’t have a relationship with me, R, or CS.  You would absolutely adore your little brother, and he would adore the two of you as well. These are lost relationships that you only would have benefited from.  It’s possible that these relationships can heal and be restored someday, but not likely.  What is not possible is to get this time back.  You will never know CS as a little boy, and he will never know you as pre-teens.  Also, it dawned on me, I teach middle school for a reason; I love this age group.  You are both middle schoolers, O and C.  This is most likely the last opportunity I would ever have had to watch you play sports, which is something we shared and that I loved so much.  It made me such a proud father seeing you out on the field, or on the court, competing and having fun. It made me so happy practicing sports with you when you were younger.  We played lots of football, baseball, soccer and basketball together.  At least I know some of the skills you have now were developed from the time we played together.  

I love you and miss you both dearly, and I genuinely hope you are doing well.  I pray for you every day, and I know God is looking out for you.  Take good care.


Love, 

Dad

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